Are you still working out the kinks in your first solid hour?

Burning the midnight oil? Carefully wordsmithing each and every word from beginning to end? Hitting the open mics night after night to get the crowd’s response on each and every iteration of your set, until you’ve refined it into a headline-ready masterpiece?

You F*cking Retard

You’ve wasted years of your precious life.

And what do you have to show for it? Crumbs. The left over crumbs from the comedy cake that the smart money’s been gouging on for years now.

Something’s gotta change, and I’m here to help.

3 Steps To Guaranteed Success In Stand-Up Comedy

Clear your browsing history and block this site from your browser as soon as you’ve finished reading. You want to make sure that the other stand-up comedy wannabees that you hang out with DO NOT get access to this information. This is your secret weapon to gain a competitive advantage over them.

STEP 1: Understand The Rules Of The New Game

You’ve been busy slaving away at your craft, not noticing that the rules of the game have changed right under your nose.

Gone are the days when Mitzy Shore would sniff you up and down like a well-trained K9 to decide if you were worthy of your 5 minutes.

Pauly Shore’s in charge now, and as a product of rampant nepotism himself, Pauly knows how to run this business his own way.

A new breed of gatekeeper

From the doorman to the booking manager to the owner, the type of guys you’ve gotta deal with to get into comedy today are a different breed.

They have no instinct for picking out the talent from a crowd. They have no sense of duty to the audience, or any respect for the profession.

They’re all about the cash and the clout.

You scratch my balls, I’ll scratch yours.”

– Pauly Shore

Doing favors is the new currency to comedy success.

You better learn to acquire it, and learn to trade it with the swiftness and precision of a Goldman Sachs day trading veteran. Buying your way into the profession with favors and brown-nosing isn’t your best option, it’s your ONLY option.

A drastically different landscape

Comedy use to be a straight forward game.

If you had talent, you’d work your ass off, you’d eventually get noticed, you’d get your chance, and you’d keep grinding it out till you hit your grave.

That’s what it took to make it in the profession. Grit and gumption. Those who had it made it. Those who didn’t have it didn’t make it. It was a linear path. Clear cut.

The new game is a very different beast.

1. The barriers to entry are gone.
2. The lines are blurred.
3. Everyone’s chasing fame.

TO BE CONTINUED…

I just got a call from Jeff Bezos.

He found out about my plans to re-launch the new edition of my book and he’s trying to STOP THE RELEASE.

I’ll be back to finish this as I’m done telling him to go f*uck himself.